STRAIGHT DIRRRTY

Man A: So should we reserve your seat next to hers?
Girl A: Reserve her face for my fist.
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Straight Dirrrty: how was vegas
Useful Widget: we met a powerful dealer
Useful Widget: me and man turned super saiyan
Straight Dirrrty: hahah then?
Useful Widget: but she had power lvl 1000000000000000
Straight Dirrrty: hahaha
Straight Dirrrty: =(
Useful Widget: and she hit us for 500 dollars
Straight Dirrrty: ahah what a dirty whore
Useful Widget: we got away though with our lives
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Straight Dirrrty: i think we're gonna play football tomorrow
Straight Dirrrty: did u want to play
Useful Widget: hmmmm yeah
Useful Widget: ill play
Straight Dirrrty: do u have insurance
Straight Dirrrty: damn u one down mother fucker
Straight Dirrrty: haha no questions asked
Useful Widget: i don't need insurance
Useful Widget: people who play against me need insurance
Useful Widget: and i will sell it to them
Straight Dirrrty: HAHAHA good one.

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s0LiGeAr27: man is sleeping on the bed right now
s0LiGeAr27: with covers over his face
s0LiGeAr27: he grabbed my blanket cuz he said mine was warmer
Straight Dirrrty: hahahha
Straight Dirrrty: did he really
s0LiGeAr27: i decided then id rather sleep on the floors with feces and fleas
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Man A: Man, I'd love to push her off a mountain.

Man A: Who should I try on NYE? I don't wanna be jerkin off when the ball drops like last year.

Man A: N***a are you f*cking crying?
Man B: Nah, I just get like this when I drink.
Man C: Let me buy you Johnson Johnson tear free shampoo so you won't shed any tears.
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Man A: The eggs are uneven.
Man B: So is your fade.
Man A: What the hell...

I hope Cutler throws a ball at his helmet less head one day.

If you never tried these (thanks Vickster), you are truly missing out on the good life. Merry Christmas!!!

1st Half Denver at San Diego -6.5
1st Half Over 24
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Man A: "He" talks about her mustache in front of anyone, hella sick.
Man B: Well...she shows it off in front of everyone, she hella deserves it.

Everything is coming together for the Washington Redskins. The Vikings are on an impressive run but who have they actually beaten? Washington is a very solid team and will win tonight (sorry Dong).

1st half Washington +3 at Minnesota
Washington +6 at Minnesota

Dallas Cowboys -10.5 at Carolina Panthers
Nevada +3 at New Mexico
Nevada at New Mexico Over 57
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Man A: Dude the bouncer told me to take off my hoody and pull my pants up.
Man B: Tell that mother f*cker we will fucking buy this entire place and turn it into a f*cking children's playground.

-Overheard at The LOFT
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Man A: F*cking pathetic, for that I hope you have sex with her and send it to him through a web-cam live...Not any sex, hot jungle sex, the one that hurts people the most =/

Man A: I want to see LONG squirt.
Man B: You know how bad that sounds?
Man A: F*CK!
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Girl A: Do you mow it? or let it go wild?
Man A: I like my hair to be the same from head to toe.
Girl A: Lol.
Man A: Short and spikey
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Man A: I think if you put me in a room with him for 1 week, I might kill myself. Or kill him, someone is going to die for sure.
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Man A: So can I get your number?
Girl A: Um...I forgot my number.
Man B: What the hell, you just gave your number to him (not Man A) HAHAHAHA.

Pittsburgh -8 at St. Louis
Over 43

I spent the earlier years of my life perfecting this stage with donkey kong/bowser. This game is also what started my gambling habit =(
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Man A: Freaking kids spoiled I Am Legend for me so I told them there was no Santa Claus.

How many Nathans do you know?
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Man A: What are you eating?
Man B: Stuffed mushroom.
Man A: I'll stuff your mushroom.
Man B: Dude, WTF...

Keri Russell (Scoss once described her as the nerdy chick in your high school. And then one day she decided to straighten her hair and realized that she was a kyoooooooootie pie)
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Straight Dirrrty: is this whole crew gonna get em (flatheads)?
TaliWackerr: MUHAHAH
TaliWackerr: yeah right
TaliWackerr: come on
TaliWackerr: you got the legit first hand infos
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Man A: Sorry to hear, now I know why there are a lot of lesbians.
Girl A: :-) haha
Man A: Was that a smile as in you are one?
Girl A: Hahah no comment
Man A: What the...
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Man A: So, maybe when his birthday comes around. Should I be like nah I'll probably not go, I'd rather stay home and j**k off.
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Girl A: Remember when I told you about how there are Filipino people that work at Costco. The first time I went and they were giving out samples but would give the other Filipino people bigger portions and talk to them forever.
Man A: HAHAHHAHA
Girl A: It happened again today. I was there and just kinda not paying attention and then I'm like why am I standing here so long! I look and this Costco lady gives the woman she was chatting with the hugest portion of the cake and then STOPS serving to continue chatting.

Dania Ramirez (from Heroes)
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b0mbasaur : sth turbo was throwing up
b0mbasaur : and he ate it again
b0mbasaur : hella weird guy
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Man Phan: Damn baller...oh wait...nevermind that's me.

Urlacher and crew will not be embarrassed by Adrian Peterson again. In fact, I think Chicago's Adrian Peterson will have a better game. This is going to be a ugly defensive game with hard hits. The Vikings will not be able to pass the ball on the Bears. Orton is not a good QB but he can still manage the game and keep it close. I would not be surprised if the Bears won this game straight up.

Chicago +10.5 at Minnesota
Under 43.5

Man A: I was in embafflement. I f**king know embafflement is not a word, but that sh*t was so crazy that I was in embafflement.
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Man A: Why you leaving so early? (wakes up wiping his eyes and looking up at another man as he just finished zipping up his pants)

Alicia Keys
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Man A: I'm going to blog you by the way unless you say no.
Girl A: Fine hahahah I like to be blogged lol hella creepy ahahah.
Man A: Hahhaha I wonder if that means something "I like to be blogged". Let me check if blogged is a gross word on Urbandictionary.
Girl A: Sounds pretty ugly.
Man A: "A hot, quick f**k, especially at a club or party" Sorry to hear Hhahaha
Girl A: Really???? Lol
Man A: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=blogged Ahhh I love that place
Girl A: Omg thats awesome hahahaha.
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Man A: Are you ready for the ride of your life?!?!?

Man A: No work today?
Girl A: I finished prob get slammed at 430 or something.
Man A: Damn sorry to hear about slamage.
Girl A: Yeah I don’t like that kind of slammage, dunno where I was going w/ that.
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Man A: Here hold the popcorn.
Man Phan B: No, I don't want to make my khaki's smell.
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Man A: Help me eat some popcorn.
Man Phan B: No, I don't want to gain weight.
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Man A: He's crazy, I'm gonna get my 4 yr. degree very soon, I can't be hanging out w/ him anymore. That's unprofessional.

Man A: Celebrating today?
Man B: No more finals? or what?
Man A: No, celebrating life...my life
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Straight Dirrrty: so whose ur +1 guest for potluck
TaliWackerr: that was actually for scott
TaliWackerr: hahah
Straight Dirrrty: AHHAHAA
Straight Dirrrty: sweet
Straight Dirrrty: i took bets on if it was scott or OTHER
Straight Dirrrty: scott = -250 pay back
Straight Dirrrty: other = +150
TaliWackerr: HAHAHHA
TaliWackerr: you know i was gonna just take laverne
TaliWackerr: but she doesnt get off work till 11
TaliWackerr: so its back to scott

Minka Kelly

Girl A: We don't know the recipe so what are we going to make?
Man A: Do you want me to come over? Cause I want to, hehe.
Girl A: No.
Man A: But I know what, we can make in the mean time....love...
Girl A: No.
Man A: Okay, I'm cumming over.

Man A: Is it bad that i'm dreaming about getting med school invitations?
My dream was about me checking my email and seeing it.
Man B: It's a sign of things to come.
Man A: That's what I thought, then I checked my e-mail immediately and I got 3 spam e-mails about penis enlargement.
Man B: HAHA

Man A: You keep making these homo jokes, man one day I might pop out of the closet forreals. And then the jokes on YOU.
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Man A: Hella BS, don't you just want to hit it and call it a day.

2007=Superman
2008=Spider-man
This may offend some people (so stop reading if you are easily offended) and I will try to be as vague as possible. I stumbled across the real meaning behind "Supaman that hoe"...It's when you make your own "paste" and stick a bed sheet on her back to make it look like a cape.

Man A: Sorry to hear I can't take random days off to go to Vegas with dudes.
Man B: Sorry to hear, you wanted to go with us dudes, you f***ot. Plus I'm there for my money, I'm goning tell them the king is back give me my motherfucking moneyz.
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Man A: I'm at 205 I really wanna go under 200.
Man B: Haha.
Man A: How is my weight struggle funny?

Kate Beckinsale

New Orlean Saints at +3.5 Atlanta Falcons
Over 43
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AznRicePicker: okay, gonna hit my punching bag
AznRicePicker: someone has to beat mayweather
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Girl A: Do you think a 22 year old would use Batman pillow cases?
Man A: ...I have a spiderman pillow case and I'm 23.
Girl A: I don't know what to say.
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Man A: I was like n***a does this look like home shopping network.

TaliWackerr: we should do a t-shirt collabo
Straight Dirrrty: man made?
Straight Dirrrty: me and u
TaliWackerr: chardx x straight dirrrty
Straight Dirrrty: cut out ceviche?
TaliWackerr: nah thats a weak blog
TaliWackerr: i cant have that on my shirt
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Man A: If I was a girl, I would totally date you.
Man B: How can you not? Look at this.
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Man A: Why you jockin?
Man B: I'm just trying to look at your denim.

We all know Floyd Mayweather has the superior speed and talent in this fight but does he have the heart? Every fighter that Mayweather has faced tried to pressure him but eventually gave up or just got tired. Oscar and Judah both had success the first 6 rounds against Mayweather but eventually just tired. Out of all Mayweather's opponents, Hatton is most similiar to Jose Luis Castillo. Castillo nearly defeated Mayweather by being aggressive. Many ringside writers gave the bout to Castillo but Mayweather had escaped with the W that night. If Hatton can fight for 3 minutes of every round, I think the fight will come down to the 12th round. Hatton will definitely get tagged but I think he will throw so many punches that he will win a lot of the close rounds. Hatton is not slow like Baldomir and he is probably even faster than Castillo. Hatton will punch at all angles and will put the pressure on Floyd. Hatton has an underrated defense and footwork. I'm not sure if the HBO 24/7 series has influenced me but I'm going to have to say that Hatton gives Mayweather his first loss. I expect to see a rematch between these two.
Hatton by Decision
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Bernard Hopkins: Will you take the fight?
Joe Calzaghe: Will YOU take the fight?
BH: I already said I'll take the fight.
JC: OK then, let's fight. When you want to do it?
BH: I'm gonna mess up your face.
JC: Nobody's messed up my face. Look at my face. Twenty-five years of fighting and not a mark.
BH: That's because you're fighting in Europe. You're not fighting a legend.
JC: I am a legend.
BH: In Europe.
JC: There's no way you can beat me.
BH: I will never let a white person beat me.
JC: If you fight me, you'll lose.
BH: I will never lose to a white person.
JC: I can't wait man, I can't wait to kick your ass.

Man A: Did you know Barry Bonds might go to the Oakland A's?
Girl A: Wait, didn't he get ignited?
Man A: Ignited? Don't you mean indicted.

Petra Nemcova = My number one of all kyoooooooooootie pies

That's how to tip.
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Man A: Should take like 2 minutes, just gotta screw off the cover or pop it off and insert new ones.
Man B: Okay thanks Mr. 2 minutes, since it's your expertise.
Man A: Wtf!
Man B: 2 minutes for ramming I mean.
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Man A: All this makes me feel like not wanting to do anything with the boys anymore. gay huh?
Man B: Um that sounds kind of homo.

I come home from a long day of work (chatting on AIM) and what do I see? I see some sticky rice that my good ol Grandma made. I believe it's called sticky rice but the Chinese to English translation is oiled rice. There's pork, mushrooms, squid, onions, and of course rice. I'm sure this one isn't good if your counting calories but it sure taste "just like heaven".

Man A: Yo how do you make your legs look bigger, I have chicken legs.
Man B: Working out chest only doesn't make your legs bigger.
Man A: I don't only work out my chest. I just work on it a little bit harder then most parts.
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Man A: I like cafe sua da.
Man B: Sometimes it could be too much for me, like I get a headache then get light headed. It's kinda like dating a Vietnamese girl.
Man A: Haha sorry to hear that one.
Man B: Vietnamese girls are like Vietnamese food...delicious and cheap but the end results can be very dangerous.

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Man A: She has nice teeth. I would do dirty things to those teeth.
Man B: Sicko.
Man A: Sorry I have a fetish for teeth, give me nice teeth and I'm good for days.

Ashley Judd = so beautifuls
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Man A: 95% of the stress in my life is from football.
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Man A: Haha I love the Warriors because they can't break my heart. I always expect them to lose, even against Seattle.

New England > Baltimore
Windy = Under
I'd like to see the Pats try to run up the score on Ray Lewis and company.
New England -18
Under 47

Man A: Give me my motherf***ing crown back. The king is back. The world is mine.
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Man A: Are you down if we have a cabin for new years?
Man B: Cabin with a bunch of dudes, cool, I'm down

The Pittsburgh Steelers had great field position the whole game against the Dolphins. They just couldn't convert when they needed to. This week the weather is just as bad but the difference will be that the Steelers will convert their plays. The Bengals defense is nothing special and Willie Parker and crew will show who is clearly the better team.

Steelers -7
Over 40
1st Half Over 20
1st Half Steelers -4

Random Hobo: Im a playa just like yall. It's all about the p***y tonight. I got you, I got you. I'm like Mike Tyson, n***a I'm back. Aye where you going? Help a playa out.
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Man A: I don't even remember putting the sausage in my mouth.
Girl A: That's what she said.
Man A: Oh man, no homo?